With Mixed Feelings...

Tomorrow is January 2nd.  Sierra and I go back to school.  Both in the same building she as a student...me as a Teaching Assistant.  The same as before......but not really.  It is not the same...and probably never will be "the same" again.  On December 14th in Newtown CT the unimaginable happened. Evil descended on Sandy Hook Elementary School.  We all watched and cried....we all sobbed along with the families that had lost so much.  We returned to school the following Monday and had a safety committee meeting.  I am a member.  We have been working on ways to improve safety in the building for awhile now..but the reality of Newtown...was too real to ignore.  We tightened up security even more...made plans for more drills, more checks and balances, more ways to keep the kids safe.  The district even had patrol cars at the schools in the morning and afternoons.  The week went on.  We began to relax.... a little...not with security but with our minds and our bodies.  The kids began to get excited about the upcoming holiday.  Classrooms were filled with decorations, gifts for parents were being lovingly made, music was in the air.   And then the letter came. ... on Friday....Dec. 21...to our school.  Threatening.....not nice ....911 was called.  Police responded....the school was in lock out...no one allowed in.    Our afternoon, all school holiday sing a long ...canceled.  The children had no idea.  They happily exited the building at the end of the day oblivious to the fact that some sicko just had to go and write that stupid letter.  Probably just for laughs.  But I am not laughing, and the staff is not laughing and parents are certainly not laughing.  School...the place where your child spends most of their day.   A safe place.......but not really....anymore. We have met over winter break to tighten up security even more.  We will have police presence in our building.....for awhile.  We pray that the police can find out who sent the letter......and that will help.  But the truth is....the unthinkable has happened.....and every threat now ...must be taken seriously.  I am glad I work in the same building as Sierra.  I can't imagine how hard it will be for some parents to even send their kids tomorrow....and I don't blame them if they don't.  I am anxious for tomorrow to be over.  To have the first day back under our belts.  To know that we can do this...that we can move forward despite what is happening around us. Oh how the world has changed.....God please help us to  understand.

Dear Sierra..

Dear Sierra,
Today is Election Day 2012.  Not a day I have been looking forward to.  I hate politics.  I hate all the name calling and people bashing and all the lies and promises and the gloating and it all.  I hate it.  But I do love the fact that as a country WE get to pick who our leaders are.  Now it is complicated beacuse the person who wins the popular vote..who gets the MOST votes..may not be the winner... but that is another story.

Tonight at dinner you asked me who I voted for.   I wasn't sure I would tell you..its private I said...people don't have to share...and then I told you anyway.  You asked me why I voted for Mitt Romney and I said because of you.  You looked at me questioningly and I  said I would explain it some day.   I mean how  do you explain abortion to a six year old....

You see Sierra..it was a difficult year for me this year.  I don't fall into one political party or another.  I maybe should...but I don't.  I feel strongly about many issues but they don't fall into one party's agenda or another.  Its hard.....  But this year  I voted in honor of you Sierra...in honor of you and Grace and Izzy and Ivy Joy  and Julia  and Brianna and Mary Elizabeth and all the children we know who joined their families through adoption.  Seven and half years a go Sierra, your birth mother in China found out she was carrying a baby. She chose to carry you for nine months    and then brought you somewhere where you would be found.  Some of the birth Moms may have full intended too keep their babies, some may not have...but they chose to give you life.  Some people may say they had no choice...maybe there was no place to get an abortion...maybe they couldn't afford it.  Exactly my point....they carried you and you were born.  A beautiful, smart, joyful, little girl who will grow up and do great things some day.When I think of what the alternative could have been been...I cry.  You are here because for some reason..abortion was not a choice.  I don't think it  should be.  I don't want ANY of my hard earned money going to fund anyone's abortion,   From the time a child is conceived it is a growing living thing  whose life should be valued not extinguished.  You will here a lot of talk about a women's right...but I care about the unborn babies right...I believe they have a right to be born...its what God believes too.  I am a woman and I am against abortion.

So Sierra...you helped me .  You are a constant reminder to me to value life.  Mitt Romney is against abortion and although he stands for some things I don't agree with, it is enough for me.  I pray for our country as it is so divided.  I pray that we can come together , put aside our differences, work together to become the great nation we should be.  But this year Sierra, I chose life...because of you...
I love you baby girl...to the moon and back...
Mom

Today is the Day

Today is the day.. Please keep sweet Ivy and her entire family in your prayers as she undergoes a huge operation that can fix her beautiful but broken heart!!



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Ivy Joy

Please pray for Ivy Joy!!!

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Gifts from God

A few weeks ago Sierra's older brothers came across tow monarch caterpillars while at work. They brought them to her and we have watched them incredibly go through their change.  This was the end result!


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A Special Picnic at Minnewaska

Today, Sierra and I finished camp around 12 noon.  I was trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day.  It was gorgeous, the kind of summer day I love.  The sky was blue, the grass was green, there was a breeze and the temperature was in the high 70s.  No way I wanted to go home and clean, or do anything in the house!!  We live in an area called the Rondout Valley.  We are nestled between two mountain ranges.  Close by are two mountains, each have beautiful lakes.  When they boys were younger I used to wait for a summer day like this and take them hiking on one of the mountains.  It was always one of my favorite days.  We used to watch the hawks when we were on top of the mountain. They would fly out and glide down below us.  Anyway...I digress!!!  Since it was already after noon time I decided we would go on a special picnic.  One of the mountains has a road you can drive up right to the lake.  There are plenty of hiking trails once you get up there.  Since I didn't have a lot of time...that is the option I chose.  We stopped and got some lunch and then drove to the mountain.Sierra hadn't been there before.  We parked the car and walked up the path.  I told her to run ahead to see what she could see.  When she saw the lake she simply squealed in delight.  " Mommy..its the most beautiful lake!!"  We found a rock and had our lunch.  She just kept saying how much she loved nature and we were really in nature now!!  After lunch we walked around a little.  The mountain is a state park and they even have a swimming area.  It was the perfect thing to do on a perfect day!

 No matter where we are Sierra always spots the new moon.  Do you see it??

Three and a half years later...

I remember when my boys were babies.......I remember their little arms reaching back out to me when someone else was holding them...and they had had enough...and wanted me back.  I remember when they fell as toddlers, again they ran over to me, crying and wanting me to pick them up to kiss away their boo boos, and wipe away their tears.  They came to me and I took care of what ever their needs. It came naturally...for them and for me.
When you adopt a child at the age of three, it is not the same.  The first time Sierra fell and got hurt, she lay there, not  crying, not moving, NOT reaching out to me.  She really didn't want me to pick her up, but I did anyway/. That incident was over three years ago.  Since then we have spent   much time teaching Sierra what the role of parents are.  She didn't know....there had been no one for the first three years of her life that was there for her.  We knew we had made great progress, we knew she loved us and trusted that we would be there for her.  But still, the other night, an incident brought home to us, how far she has come.  We were at a friends house for a graduation party.Sierra was playing with a group of children.  We were near by but not in sight.  All of a sudden she came tearing around the house, crying.  She was looking and looking, amongst the  many people there, for me.  She found me and I picked her up and held her close.  She had gotten hurt, she had fallen and hit her ear.  I brought her in the house and Scott followed us.  We put ice on it and with in 5 minutes she was good to go!!  She ran back out to rejoin her friends.  I started to get teary eyed.  I looked at Scott and I knew he knew what I was going to say.  "Do you realize that it was  the only time that I can remember that she has run to me when she has gotten hurt?"   I could tell , even in her frenzied state, that she was looking for us.  Not just anyone...us!   Three and a half years.......she is finally....really....truly......home!!!