Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Pain of that Day

Quite a few years ago I remember sitting in front of the TV watching as a young 2 1/2 year old child was put screaming into the back of a strangers car.  He had just been taken away from his adopted parents to be returned to his birth parents. They had been fighting in court since he was born and the final decision had been made.   It was extremely painful to watch.  I remember thinking how could this happen? Who would ever want to take a child away from the people he or she had known since almost the day of their birth??

Fast forward many years to a small room in  Guangdong China.  A child was brought to and handed over to complete strangers.  She was quiet at first, ate some cheerios and then started screaming.  A scream so loud and so sad that I will never forget it.  A scream not unlike the boy's on the TV....  because it was a similar experience for the child.  This little girl was taken away, 5 hours before, from the only home she had ever known.  This little girl was Zhan Wei Xi , our precious Sierra!  Oh how I think of that day and how she must have felt.  I remember our travel advisor saying to us before our trip "It may be one of the happiest days in your life, but it won't be in hers."  He was so right. I can not imagine the pain she felt that day.  I can only, maybe, liken it to what would it feel like if someone came now and took her away from me.  Maybe then I would really understand. 
I know the pain of that day has left a mark.  Maybe one that I can not see but a wound just the same.  A wound that will heal but one that will never entirely go that will leave a scar. How much that day will affect her in the future I can not say now.  But I will be there for her in any way she needs.  I will accept that she was hurt by the action of us adopting her. As much as I know that she now loves us and her life here, I know that it cost her to come. And I will continue to love her as only a mother can love her child.  I may not be able to kiss it and make it all better...but I will be there.


  1. I so understand Kathie. Emma's adoption was so different than Rebecca's, for one the difference in their ages and secondly because of the deep attachment that she had to Amanda. The day we received Rebecca was traumatic, for both of us but by the grace of God she has fallen in love with us and of course us with her. Amanda had told me that Rebecca loves 'fiercely' and oh my goodness - I'm now the recipient of that love and treasure it more than words can say!

  2. SO true and beautifully written. Each of our adoptions were very different and I think for me our daughter's as the most difficult. She had been living with a foster mother who loved her so much and our daughter adored her as well. We were blessed to meet her and have kept in touch from time to time. But the pain of her screaming for a mama that wasn't me was so hard! How she has grown but as you mentioned, that pain and it's scar will always be there and for us, the questions come sometimes about the what's and why's of it all.

  3. Oh Kathie,

    I'm finally catching up on your last few posts and this one certainly brought tears to my eyes. Since our Daniel was living in an orphanage (with poor living conditions)when we adopted him, he had no attachments to caregivers. As we look at our next adoption, perhaps this is what I'm struggling with the most--the thought of taking that child away from the only home he/she has ever known.

    Just seeing how beautifully Sierra has bonded to your family gives such encouragement.

    Hope all is well with you? By the way, you mentioned a few weeks ago that you had a birthday coming up soon. If I missed it, happy belated birthday!

    Much Love,
    Kathie (the other one)