Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Lucky? Not so....

There used to be a time when I thought it was my dream to live on a mountain far away from everything.  But as I became an adult I realized that the dream was not me.  You see, the problem is I like people too much.  All kinds, young, old, male, female, worldly, not worldly, just people in general.  I believe that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and you can learn something from everyone.  I also know that people aren't perfect, and people come from different backgrounds, and  people don't always say things that I agree with.  There are times when I speak my mind against something that is said to me and there are times when I let things roll off my back. 
This is now the time for me to speak my piece. Since we have been home with Sierra I have heard the following phrase too many times to count. "She is so lucky!"  Let me start by saying that I know what people mean.  Really.. I do.
I was there...I know too well the differences in her life now as compared to before.  But to say that she is lucky????  Is it lucky to be abandoned at the age of 1 day old?  Is it lucky that her birth parents, for what ever reason, felt they could not take care of her as she needed?  Is it lucky that she spent the first 3 years of her life in an orphanage with all that it implies? Is it lucky to have strangers come and whisk you away from your birth country, your culture, your friends and everything that is familiar to you???? And if people mean she is lucky that we went to China and adopted her  does that not imply that she might owe us something in the future?  That is my greatest fear.  That if Sierra hears that particular comment enough she may feel that she will have to repay us in some way for her "Luck"  Yes she joined our family through adoption not through birth. She WAS adopted but it does not define who she is.  She is Sierra, my daughter , as Tim, Paul and David are my sons. And although I expect them to have grateful thanksgiving for all the blessings they have received in their lives, I don't expect any of them to feel they owe us. So if you are friends or family that see Sierra, please try and refrain from telling her, what a lucky little girl she is.  Because truly it is our family , who are the blessed ones!!
Again, I know people mean well...I know where they are coming from...honestly it didn't even bother me in the beginning,  but now I worry about the implications. 
Thanks for letting me speak my piece!!!


  1. I have had very similar thoughts tossing around in my head for our friends and family lately. I've been trying to figure out how to put it all together. You said it very well:) Thanks!

  2. I feel the same way. Miss you!

  3. Popped over from Stephe's blog. Read your piece with interest, and remembered I'd read a different take on it on another blog. Thought you might be interested in reading it here: http://www.1001tears.blogspot.com/

  4. Kathie,
    I tell you that you should become a writer because you sure do speak from your heart and have a gift of putting heartfelt thought into words! I could not agree with you more!

  5. We have temporary custody of my 2 nieces. We got them in February. We will most likely end up adopting them.

    I understand where you're coming from. The truth is that you're BOTH lucky. She gets a wonderful, loving family and YOU get lots of extra cuddles and love.

    It's a win-win situation ! :)

  6. oh my, i feel the same exact way!!! thank you for posting on this!

    haven't heard from you in a while, just wondering how you are doing!

  7. Very well said, thanks so much for posting from your heart. I had fun catching up with your blog this afternoon!

  8. Thanks so much for sharing. I already have people saying this, and we don't even have a referral yet! Or they often say, "You are so nice." (about adopting). I do understand what they intend, but I tell them that there is so much more to it than being "nice". We want to share our home with a child who needs one, but like you said, the child hasn't asked for all of the stress and loss they have received, so they don't owe us. Also, I believe the child will be more of a blessing to our family as we learn to open our hearts and learn from her!

  9. Well said my friend. Sierra has grown up so much since that photo you took of her and David. And she looked so scared in that photo. Bless her heart. No so much of our children's paths is not lucky at all including those initial days of grafting into their forever families.