Remembering 911

Its just one of those days you will NEVER forget.  you will always remember where you were and what you were doing.  It is a day to remember...and to hug your family a little tighter.  And its a day to remember those who left their houses in the early morning and did not return to them as expected.
Shortly after 911, when we were thinking about Christmas presents I wanted to do something for Scott for Christmas.  I wanted to make a donation in his name to a NYFD.  The problem was I didn't know what company to pick.  There are so many and so many lost members on that day.  As some of you know our local Fire companies have a number.  Our Fire Company's number is 58.  So I went online and searched to see if there was an Engine Company 58.  And I found that there was......and they had lost one of the Lieutenants at Ground Zero.  So I sent a donation and a note explaining why I had chosen them.  And on Christmas morning I told Scott about the "sister" station in NY,
Almost a year later we received a beautiful hand written note with Engine 58s logo on it.  We framed it and hung it in our living room....as a reminder of both the good and the bad of that day.
So fast forward almost 9 years.  I have met lots of NYC firemen but never anyone from Engine 58 ( I always ask).  I am at Kelder's Farm working and a family comes in.  The man is wearing a fire co.. tshirt from another state but he is a NYC fireman.  I ask what company is he with and he answers "Engine Company 58"  I got all prickly and emotion stuck in my throat.  I explained what we had done 9 years ago.  I told him that the card had a picture of a bull dog on it and he showed me the tatoo on his leg...the one with the bull dog!
He told me a story of that day.  He told me that there was a probie fire fighter who had just started to work there.  He said when the call came that a plane had crashed into one of the towers a Lt. Nagel turned to the probie and said "you don't have to come.  You can stay behind " the probie said"No, I am going"  They rushed to the tower.  Shortly after they arrived the first tower began to fall.  The Lt. told them to get out of there.  They all ran, but not too far away.  Soon after they returned to the scene and looked for their Lt. to give them further direction.  They could not find him.  He had disappeared beneath the rumble. 
The probie that day  nine years ago was the man I met at work.  The husband , now father whose first fire as a NYC fireman , was 911.  The Lt. that died that day was Lt. Robert Nagel, the fireman whose family we made the donation to.  I was honored to meet a fireman from that company...even after all this time.
And today I think of all the firemen who bravely lived AND died that day.  I think of all the people who died who were not firemen but  just men and women doing their jobs in their offices or going somewhere on a plane. I think of the children from a school in Washington DC who had won a trip to California because of academic excellence.  I think of that plane that went down in PA  because the brave men and women who would NOT let it crash into another building.  I think of  a women from our community whose sister was on one of those planes.  I think of my friend Robert who recently died from a illness he received from the aftermath of 911.In one 24 hour stretch the world was shown the absolute worst of humanity and the absolute best.  And I believe the best far outweighed the worst!!

Yippee!!

I am going to see ( and HEAR) Steven Curtis Chapman on Sunday night!!!  I can not wait.  He is an awesome Christian singer who has adopted girls from China.  His songs are amazing!

The Pain of that Day

Quite a few years ago I remember sitting in front of the TV watching as a young 2 1/2 year old child was put screaming into the back of a strangers car.  He had just been taken away from his adopted parents to be returned to his birth parents. They had been fighting in court since he was born and the final decision had been made.   It was extremely painful to watch.  I remember thinking how could this happen? Who would ever want to take a child away from the people he or she had known since almost the day of their birth??

Fast forward many years to a small room in  Guangdong China.  A child was brought to and handed over to complete strangers.  She was quiet at first, ate some cheerios and then started screaming.  A scream so loud and so sad that I will never forget it.  A scream not unlike the boy's on the TV....  because it was a similar experience for the child.  This little girl was taken away, 5 hours before, from the only home she had ever known.  This little girl was Zhan Wei Xi , our precious Sierra!  Oh how I think of that day and how she must have felt.  I remember our travel advisor saying to us before our trip "It may be one of the happiest days in your life, but it won't be in hers."  He was so right. I can not imagine the pain she felt that day.  I can only, maybe, liken it to what would it feel like if someone came now and took her away from me.  Maybe then I would really understand. 

I know the pain of that day has left a mark.  Maybe one that I can not see but a wound just the same.  A wound that will heal but one that will never entirely go away..one that will leave a scar. How much that day will affect her in the future I can not say now.  But I will be there for her in any way she needs.  I will accept that she was hurt by the action of us adopting her. As much as I know that she now loves us and her life here, I know that it cost her to come. And I will continue to love her as only a mother can love her child.  I may not be able to kiss it and make it all better...but I will be there.

Favorite Fairs!

we so love going to our local county fairs.  There are 2 that we try to attend every year.  One is our small Ulster County Fair which is a regular ole county Fair with animals, vegetables, lots of 4H exibits etc...and a midway!!! sierra and I rode the ferris when and oh she was so excited!!. 

right after we got off we ran into my son Paul who decided to try to "ring the bell' for Sierra...

and he did!!

The other fair we attend is the Dutchess County Fair.  It is a fair on a much larger scale.  Many, many exibits, many many people and tons of fun!!

Scott and Sierra trying their skills at the squirting game

SUCCESS!!

Next Scott aand Sierra were playing a game where they had to throw rings at bottles .  It really was too hard but Sierra had fun trying.  All of a sudden though she stopped and walked a few feet away.  She had heard this roller coaster an wanted to check it out.  She just stared at it, didn't say a word and watched it go around and around.  Then she went back to playing.

One of her favorites and mine too.  The first time Sierra and I rode on a carousel together was in China.  She always gets excited wehn the horses go up and down!

                                       And finally this look of pure joy.  I get teary- eyed everytime I witness it.  Something we take for granted.....flying down a hill with the wind in our face!!

It doesn't get better than this!

Just some more summer pics!!

Sunsets and storms from over Lake Ontario

Float from the Children's Day parade

Sierra in the barn sitting on hay!!

Catching up....again!!

A picture from early summer. It is hard to get Sierera to smile a natural smile. For some reason she was really laughing when I took these pictures. I just love it!!!

Summer is such a busy time. My six week summer camp program has come and gone. What a delight it was to spend my days at our town park with 40 or so kids from ages 6 to 13 and the high school counselors who work with me. My friends Linda and Annabel have been working with me for the past 10 years or so. I started at this camp when my son Tim was 10 months old and now he is almost 27 years old. I took a few years off but not many!! The best part is that Sierra gets to come with me.She learned many things watching the older kids. She watched them and watched them until she could make her own lanyards. There were 4th a 5th graders who couldn't get the hang of it but she persevered until she could. Its a half day program so we still have time to do real fun summer things! Sierra has learned pretty much how to swim on her own. Its amazing to watch her!!

David competed in his last year as a 4H er in the County Fair. It seems like just yesterday that he was watching his older brothers and couldn't wait to show his own cows. It has been fun and a great learning experience or him. He will miss the excitement of spending a week at the fair!

Sierra is all set to start pre school in the fall. I can't believe the time is here already. I don't have to return to work unitl January 31 so we will still have lots of time to have fun in the afternoons. I am thrilled that I get to spend another Fall home. I will be working part time at the farm while she is in school but that is as much fun as it is work. Today I worked 4 hours and Sierra came with me. How blessed am I that I can take her to work!!!

Our friends jsut returned home from China with a sweet little girl who turned 2 on Sunday. This family has suffered a loss that is most unimagineable but through God's grace, has adopted another little girl. We look forward to spending lots of time with their family!!

For all you would be Moms who think you are too old!!

So maybe its because I am quickly approaching my 51st birthday, Or maybe its because I really want to go back to China and adopt again. Or maybe its because my youngest son just turned 19. Or maybe its because my middle son is now planning his wedding. But whatever the reason, I have been thinking a lot about being an "older Mom" Now let me say right off...I don't feel old. I am told I don't look "that" old ( gotta love THAT comment ) and I am pretty healthy. I could be in better physical shape but really...I can still run, I like to swim, ride bikes, go camping and for the most part I can easily keep up with my 4 year old daughter. i do admit that I am often very tired at the end of the day..but I sleep really well too, which wasn't always the case!! I seem to have more patience for some things and maybe a little less for others. I so love seeing the world through a child's eyes again and I try not to rush her or I through the day.

But those dreaded time restraints often get in the way and I am known to exclaim"hurry up Sierra!" Where she usually quickly answers back " you have to be patient Mama". So if any of you over 40s out there are thinking about becoming adoptive parents, especially ...go for it!!

Believe me , the child you are adopting will not care that you are not 25. They will care that they have found a Mommy who has tons and years of experience behind her and one that will know how to love them forever!!

Sierra and I on vacation this summer!